I wrote this a long time ago & thought that I would post it so that you could see how I used to view this world...its really weird to go back and read things from your past...
God...my savior, redeemer, healer, daddy. shouldnt he be right in front of me all the time. RIGHT in front of my face. i should feel that close to him right? sometimes i dont. i feel like im talking to the ceiling, FAITH....i know he's listening, im told that he is.....why dont i feel it. sometimes im on a spiritual high, and other times im dry.......im told, dont wear your emotions on your sleeve, dont trust your emotions because they are always changing. Just keep believing in God....the one who never changes.....WHY do i question this world and the things in it soo much. it should be simple, black and white, but its not. why are people trying to go so into depth to explain and decipher the things of this world when all they need to do is turn to Jesus. Why? all it does is just screw everyone else up and make them question their faith. Why is the word "christian" taken oh soooo for granted now. if anyone is asked what religion they are....they are a christian.....NO YOU ARE NOT. dont say it if it isnt true. Im afraid to use that term because of how some people mis construe it. Yeah, im a christian, and then theyll go party and cuss and gossip and all of that is okay because were sinners....But they wont REPENT. Oh God, help me...see everything in black and white. you are who you are. you are the I AM. We should be the salt of the earth,......we should perserve and sting when we tell the truth...when the world hugs us they should feel Jesus Christ's heart pounding within us.....why is it sooo hard. Are you sure youre saved, are you sure youre going to heaven...is that all you care about, NOT going to hell? do you care about the man who DIED for you? Why...? WWJD.....stop the thoughts the curse words the junk that is ruining our world today. I just want to feel your presence again. i want to love on you........ I want to put out all of my faith and trust in you....its not that we dont have faith, its just that the span it is alive for is so short. so many other things going through my head......everything is blurry, i cant make it out, but i know it is there. devil GET AWAY from me & my town & my family & my friends. GET AWAY. Impress tons of hate into me God. Hate towards evil doings and hate towards things that take me away from you. lord........break me. I hate pride. I love you. PLEASE make it simpler.
Until tomorrow.
-Your daughter
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